Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Babies are Held; Another Member of the Cabal Is Dead.

1) i held a baby yesterday. Actually two babies. i was sure to be sitting down on a couch at the time, so as to mitigate the potential damage i could do to the baby if i had a seizure or some other affliction relieved me of consciousness. they were old enough to roll from stomach to back, and when they did i felt invigorated. it is a hard knock life, this one i lead.

2) Susan Sontag died yesterday, at 71, thereby improbably succumbing to the Big Sleep before fellow cabal member and serial monogamist-hater Saul Bellow. She wrote this in her latest work "Regarding the Pain of Others."

''To speak of reality becoming a spectacle is a breathtaking provincialism. It universalizes the viewing habits of a small, educated population living in the rich part of the world, where news has been converted into entertainment. . . . It assumes that everyone is a spectator. It suggests, perversely, unseriously, that there is no real suffering in the world. But it is absurd to identify the world with those zones in the well-off countries where people have the dubious privilege of being spectators, or of declining to be spectators, of other people's pain . . . consumers of news, who know nothing at first hand about war and massive injustice and terror. There are hundreds of millions of television watchers who are far from inured to what they see on television. They do not have the luxury of patronizing reality.''



All I know about Sontag is that she was the one who said communism is fascism with a human face, and that she directed Waiting for Godot in Sarajevo (didn't she?) Anyway - happy hunting.

3) thank you, God, for keeping all of the deleterious effects of my actions under cover and beyond the reach of short term memory, leaving me to continue to embrace hypocrisy without guilt, drink large amounts of wine in plastic cups during afternoon hours, and smoke cigarettes outside in my pajamas in front of the octogenarian neighbor. i will degrade myself even further without Your benevolent assistance/intervention, if you don't mind.

4) OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! THIS SURE IS FUN.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Mia Patria

Caveat: this may not be enjoyable.


“It has gone on for a long time, it is maddened now, the love it has had it has squandered too often, its young no longer naturally feel it; its past is in its streets, ungrateful for the fact that a hundred years ago it tore itself apart in order not to be divided; half of it believes the war it is now fighting is taking place twenty-five years ago, when it was still young and it was right that it was opposing tyranny. People say it is isolationist, but so obviously it is not isolationist: cine it asserted its existence in a war of secession and asserted its identity in a war against secession it has never been able to best its separateness. Union is what it wanted. And it has never felt that union has been achieved. Hence its terror of dissent, which does not threat its power but its integrity. So it is killing itself and killing another country in order not to admit its helplessness in the face of suffering, in order not to acknowledge its separateness. So it does not know what its true helplessness is. People say it is imperialist and colonialist, but it knows that it wants nothing more. It was told, as if in a prophecy, that no country is evil which is not imperialist or colonialist. So it turns toward tyranny, to prove its virtue.”
(From Stanley Cavell’s analysis of America and the vietnam war in his essay on King Lear, “the Avoidance of Love,”)


The two vibrantly absurd thoughts that crop up whenever I read another headline about people dying Over There are a) most of the troops are younger than myself. b) when soldiers came home from Vietnam, some of them were spit on and ridiculed. These facts are hard to fathom, in part because of the incongruous relationship formed when one is set against the other. I can’t imagine having anything but mute/inarticulate sympathy for people Over There, soldier or civilian, and if I ever met a returning soldier who had seen the shit Over There, I would awkwardly attempt to convey something that would not come close to cutting it. Actually, I did meet a Marine on leave while in Montana, but he did not like me in the least, b/c I was not from his hometown but I was at a bar in his hometown. The only memorable feedback I got from him was a threat – “I’m going to skullfuck you till next Tuesday” – which would’ve made me laugh if I hadn’t expected him to make good on the threat. He was an asshole, but the fact that he was a soldier mitigated, to some extent, the contempt in which I held him. So how was it that being a soldier forty years ago was reason enough to earn contempt from some people?
Granted, we’re not dropping napalm on women and children today, which is one thing my father pointed out to me as a distinction between then and now when I asked him about veterans getting spit on and called “babykiller.” The conversation ended there, as do most that hearken back to the time he was about my age. Fact is, other than through Oliver Stone, Francis Coppola, and other text-providers, I can’t imagine anything about the 60’s. There’s so much caricature and fetishism involved, too many mediating images and rocknroll epitaphs to ignore. Fittingly, I will now resort to quotes. First off, Philip Roth, circa 1960, says this:
"The American writer in the middle of the 20th century has his hands full in trying to understand, and then describe, and then make credible much of the American reality. It stupefies, it sickens, it infuriates, and finally it is even a kind of embarrassment to one’s own meager imagination. The actuality is continually outdoing our talents, and the culture tosses up figures almost daily that are the envy of any novelist."
Case in point: heavy metal guitarist Dime Bag Darrell is gunned down by a fan whose motivation seems to stem from anger that Pantera no longer exists. Secondly, a thirty something strangles a mother-to-be, carves out her baby, takes it a nearby town, calls her husband, and proclaims something to the effect of: “you won’t believe it. I’ve had a baby. Come meet me at the Long John Silver’s to see.” But we are fastforwarding beyond the purview of the current inquiry. In the words of a reviewer of Hippie, the new book on the era, put it:
"The marketing of the 60's has come to necessitate the blending of quite discrepant images: the dogs of Selma and the bearded Puritans of the Cuban revolution, along with the moon-faced narcissists and dropouts of Haight-Ashbury and the groupie-draped avatars of rock."

Nixon’s call to the Silent Majority was a promise to restore order, and his appeal was proportionate to the degree the Vocal Minority was seen to be a legitimate threat. Now the Vocal Minority is expected and accounted for, an ensemble cast whose individual characters have been scripted, personalized, and individuated beforehand. The absence of the Vocal Minority from our television screens would upset, rather than restore, order.
The theatrical character of our national dialogue, with so much coverage devoted to the relatively few individuals seeking refuge in Canada as one example, informs our response to events in which we have little to no involvement. Whether the feeling is culpability for or willful distancing from what happens Over There, a strange psychology is at work. Cavell, the philosopher, describes the condition like this:

That, for example, editorials and public denunciations of a government now have consequences which are accommodated by that government is something we have grown accustomed to . . . we no longer know what is and is not news, what is and is not relevant to one’s life. The newspaper tells me that everything is relevant, but I cannot really accept that because it would mean that I do not have one life, to which some things are relevant and some not. I cannot really deny it either because I do not know why things happen as they do and why I am not responsible for any or all of it. And so to the extent that I still have feeling to contend with, it is a generalized guilt, which only confirms my paralysis; or else I convert the disasters and sensations reported to me into topics of conversation, for mutual entertainment, which in turn irritates the guilt.

Guilt? I guess we should specify the species of guilt that arises upon buying a newspaper and glancing at the events it has chosen to cover. First off, we can feel guilty about the 18 year olds being blown up by insurgents we can’t hate enough to suppress. We can feel guilty about the pre-teens who die in drive by shootings, even if we have to reference a movie made last decade to get the proper image in our heads. But it takes little insight to realize that the guilt does little else but pacify the hurt that comes with reading newspaper headlines. In other words, what good is it to feel bad about something over which you have no control? Is it not self-aggrandizement to bemoan the loss of something in which you had absolutely no investment? Treating cynicism as the absolute copout, we nevertheless feel chagrined at making concrete estimations of how severely fucked we all are in terms of complicity/responsibility/accountability. This, of course, is a truism that borders on a lie: we all don’t feel it in the stomach we have to fill day by day. If we did, and continued to want to match the moral estimations we’ve assigned ourselves, the fetal position would be the stance of engagement for every self-respecting conscientious observer. Conscientious objection no longer seems tangible or concrete; there is no jail to which we may sentence ourselves in lieu of the terrifying impotency the front page news presents. Instead we take refuge in lip service progressivism that makes no claims on changing anything, because it acknowledges its own marginality and celebrates it as a condition worthy of the informed observer.
What seems worse than self-applied guilt is the predominance of a politics of scoffing, combined with a self-preserving love of satire/irony, that holds sway over many of us. We all know so well how absurd is the idea of a war of liberation, and we embrace the notion of absurdity rather than taking on the task of rendering the absurd comprehensible. And of course by "we" I mean me.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

The Big Smooch, or how acquaintances, friends, and "other"s come to want to have nothing to do with each other.

The kiss off is nothing new. The forms in which it is rendered change, and the sophistication with which it is justified grows, but all in all the kiss off has been with is for a long ass time. There are personal kiss offs, in which relationships are cut off; and cultural kiss offs, in which institutional cultural values are jettisoned; and the political kiss off, in which ideas, policies or the individuals in which they are held become something of an embarrassment, a thing to be gotten rid of (Trent Lott, Gary Hart, Ralph Nader in ’08).

It seems the kiss off and the wandering twenties go hand in glove. We seek to distance ourselves from those who remind us of what we are not, and will never be. We cultivate an aversion to the notion that people acquainted with our past selves have perspicuous access to what we’ve become. They just don’t/can’t/won’t understand the immediate exigencies we face. We have bills, girlfriends, boyfriends, incommunicable illnesses and other imminent obstacles that prevent us from continuity. Sometimes it comes as a response to boredom, to the inevitable “growing apart.” So why bother with unreconstructed pieces and unspoken alliances? Both mean nothing. We do what we did before, and the assumption that newness is possible bogs us down in the familiarity of our habitat. So. The kiss off. It comes unbidden, and it leaves one with the release succumbing to abandonment brings. It is often just, a natural outgrowth of calcium depletion and marginal returns upon our infinite potential. It is often healthy – a jarring departure from the familiar aches and pains, a release from the detrimental and the disturbing, and if nothing else it is this: an adamant refusal to accept stasis. It says: “We have only just begun, and still there is nothing to be said, shared or solidified that isn’t self-effacingly banal, so here I am and there you are: off we go in search of respective, discretely individuated selves. Merry Christmas, and to all, a good life.”

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Sectarian Strife, You Sure Come as A Surprise!

1) Television's reappearance in my life has suggested to me that
our culture has developed a fetish for midgets, Pedro's little friend being the obvious but by no means only example.
2) RE: "get along little doggies," a phrase I deployed on numerous occasions when cattle were strewn across Moose Lake Road like teenagers at a party when everyone is still sober and sullen. (Moose Lake Road is 16 miles of pothole-laden Federal Forest Service road abutting one ranch and a few million acres of public forest land. it is in good ole montany, as were the little doggies.) Evidenly a doggie is a motherless calf. I learned this sometime last spring. Why is this included? Because it surfaced in a dream i had last night, a dream featuring some of those who may someday read this. this phrase was written on a blackboard in a vaguely alma mater-type classroom (gates blake perhaps?) and various acquaintances of mine were sitting staring at the blackboard when i walked through the door. this is the only thing i can remember.
3) "Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal." T.S. Eliot.
4) "Immature players retaliate; mature players bludgeon." Ron Artest.