confession

boring. me. i'm it. it's me. also -
insomnia. me. i have it. it has me. also -
trying not to think about not smoking. me again.
still boring? yeah? thought so. sorry.

confession: i once threw a pot of boiling water on a squirrel as it swam around the toilet of the apartment in which i was subletting a room. this was when i was young and stupid and enjoying life, rather than young and boring and sort of like a bird about to fly into a window.
i was hungover at the time, and was ready to drink a cold Old Style in a warm shower. i opened the bathroom door, heard squirrel sounds, and things took their course from there.


confession: in some town in ireland the name of which eludes me, i endorsed the plan of a very drunk fellow american whom i did not like. his plan was to confront a group of what i believe were soccer hooligans who said untoward things to a girl on whom he was plastering himself. he told the girl he liked her alot but i think he was just a virgin and thought his trip to europe would end that. i believe i insinuated to him that she would appreciate his gallant attempt to defend her honor, which i also believe i said with a straight face. the young drunk american (he went to middlebury and the 3rd night of the trip took a drunken piss in the middle of the communal room the tour had booked)caught up with the tour bus three days later. his black eyes had taken on that iridiscent yellowish purple.

confession: in his absence, that girl and i became acquainted.


confession: i'm still boring. and still not sleeping.


confession: with obvious malevolence and a sort of dedication i have never again duplicated, i picked on a fat kid at every possible opportunity throughout eighth grade, a year or two after i had recovered from my own fat stage. (i know, i sound like a fucking born again Christian thinking up reasons to prostrate himself before the Almighty in order to appease his inner-insecurity/self-loating, but still . . .) I was MEAN to this kid, even if no one was around. i had teachers who otherwise adored me take me aside and ask: "so what's going on with you and [Fat Kid's name]?" that's a lame confession, but on the list of Things About Which I'm Most Remorseful, this vindictive petty fucked-up need to inflict some adolescent emotional complex on this kid qualifies.


confession: i was reading something online while writing this piece of shit post. this snippet of dialogue made me laugh:

"I'm serious. Anal sex is the new black."